Embracing spaciousness
In 2017, my husband and I took a sabbatical to tour Australia and Southeast Asia.
We travelled for 4 months.
With no set agenda.
No cell service / data plans.
Just a backpack of essentials.
The spaciousness of it all was a massive shift from our day-to-day lives.
At times, I felt joyful, reverent, grateful.
Just as often, I felt sad, lonely, angry.
But more often than not, I just felt restless.
I felt like I needed a plan.
I needed tasks to accomplish.
I needed to be producing.
The spaciousness felt hard.
It was such a shake-up from my comfort zone of being busy.
But once I settled into it, it was transformative.
Because for the first time in a very long time, my thinking and doing slowed.
And when everything quieted down, I could hear the more subtle whispers of my inner world.
I became aware of yearnings I didn’t know I had.
I gained clarity on what mattered to me.
The trip wasn’t intended to be some kind of soul-searching mission.
We were just looking for an adventure.
But I returned from our travels a different person.
I returned with different values, priorities and perspectives.
Stepping away from my professional identity, routine, possessions, family and friends awoke something in me.
The trip enlightened me to the transformative power of spaciousness.
Since experiencing it, I’ve been on a continuous mission to infuse that same feeling of spaciousness into my day-to-day life.
These are some of the key lessons I’ve learned through my practice and studies surrounding spaciousness. I hope they will serve you on your own journey.
Spaciousness doesn’t always feel good
Insight emerges from spaciousness
Cultivating spaciousness requires more than slowing the “doing”
Our capacity is always fluctuating
1. Spaciousness doesn’t always feel good
Sometimes, we yearn for things and once we get them, we’re like “oh sh*t, this is NOT what I thought it would be”.
This is how spaciousness can feel.
Perhaps you’ve been aching for a holiday, or a slower pace at work.
But once it comes, you have a really difficult time actually embracing it.
Spaciousness does not always feel blissful, luxurious or relaxing.
And that’s ok!
If you’ve been busy for a long time, there may be some challenging thoughts and feelings you haven’t had space to process.
These thoughts and feelings can emerge the moment you slow down.
This can feel kind of unpleasant.
It can make us want to dive back into the comfort of busyness and distraction.
But if we can learn to sit with those challenging emotions, they are often a gateway to transformative insight.
2. Insight emerges from spaciousness
This lesson has provided my “why” behind pursuing spaciousness.
Since spaciousness can feel hard, it’s important to know why it’s worthwhile.
Here’s the thing…
It’s in the space between thinking and doing that we get in touch with the deepest parts of ourselves.
These parts of us are so easily drowned out by the noisy external world, and by our thinking minds.
When we generate spaciousness, we can get in touch with what matters most to us.
This is where we gain insight on who we are, what we value, and the legacy we want to leave.
It’s in spaciousness where we get in touch with our sense of purpose and vitality, which fuels our capacity for impact and sustained performance.
I often find that once I’ve settled into spaciousness, my best self seems to effortlessly emerge.
I show up to life feeling naturally inspired, creative, loving and grounded.
3. Cultivating spaciousness requires more than slowing the “doing”
Initially, I believed that spaciousness = clearing space in my calendar.
So that’s what I did.
I took on fewer commitments.
Then inadvertently filled that free time with reading, learning, social media, TV.
And guess what happened?
My life felt no more spacious. :(
This is where I learned the valuable lesson that spaciousness requires more than slowing the doing (output).
It also requires slowing consumption (input).
We need blank space to adequately digest the information coming in through our senses.
Otherwise, the input and mental chatter can become overwhelming.
For me, this has required creating some loving boundaries around consumption.
For example, only reading one book at a time, taking social media breaks, having TV-free evenings, or spending time in complete silence.
As you work to cultivate greater spaciousness in your life, ensure you’re considering your capacity for input (consumption) as well as your capacity for output (production).
4. Our capacity is always fluctuating
There is no set formula for creating a spacious life.
What feels spacious for one person might feel completely overwhelming or restrictive for another.
Similarly, what feels spacious for you today might feel overwhelming tomorrow.
It’s normal for our capacity to change moment-to-moment, day-to-day and season-to-season.
This is why attunement is so critical.
Can you sense how spaciousness feels in your body?
Perhaps you associate it with a feeling of openness, lightness, ease, freedom, or flow.
Learning to “feel into” spaciousness is critical.
Once you know how spaciousness feels for you, you can begin to notice what moves you towards or away from that feeling.
As you develop your attunement, keep in mind that your capacity will be variable.
The amount of input and output you can handle will differ from time-to-time.
Embracing spaciousness is a continuous process of attunement and recalibration.
Embracing spaciousness can bring immense insight and value to your life.
You need not leave your career and worldly possessions behind to experience it.
With some attunement and mindful subtraction, you can begin infusing more spaciousness into your life right where you are.
If you’re seeking more personalized support as you build a more spacious life, please reach out. I’d love to support you.